God and Busses

Wanting to love God more is not a bad thing. Quite the opposite, it is a great thing! But when it turns into a selfish desire for fulfillment, is it still so good? For the last year or so, I have continually been pleading God to help me fall more in love with Him. But not much was happening. I couldn't figure it out. I was reading my Bible more and praying more then I used to. I thought, "my heart is open God I want you to fill it more and more! so why isn't anything happening"? Well, only recently did I discover that my longing to love God more was merely a selfish longing to gain personal fulfillment and wholeness. That's why not much was happening. I needed to want to love God for the sake of loving Him more, not for myself. After a very insightful and encouraging email with a great friend, I realized that I needed to be involved in the work that God is doing right here where I am. I was so consumed with my selfish longing of wanting fulfillment that I was blind to what God really wanted me to be involved in. Once again, the Lord is taking my eyes off myself and putting them onto Him. I then changed my prayer from merely, “help me love You more”, to “use me to carry out the work that You are doing in this place.” Soon after, I had the opportunity to share the gospel with one of the girls at my school. While it was hard because she wasn’t very good at English and I at Portuguese, I know that I have planted a seed and I pray that God will bring the growth. This is what I am called to do. To walk in His will by serving in His work. And when I am in His will, He gives unspeakable joy.

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There is always a first time for everything. Living in Brasil gives me LOTS of opportunities to experience a first. Here are a couple:

As I waited at the bus stop my eyes darted back and forth at the busses whizzing by making sure that wasn’t the one I needed to be on. I was ready to stick out my hand to signal the buss that I needed a lift. I saw it, the glorious number, 4201, the bus to take me home. I thrust my hand in the road waving it around to make sure that he saw it! I boarded and handed my R$ 2.10 to the money lady. I sat down and braced myself for the 20 minute ride home. Many people boarded and unloaded, but my eyes were glued to the streets trying to catch a familiar building. One lady who sat next to me tried talking with me, I managed to stammer out, “Eu não fala Portuguese muito, desculpe” (I don’t speak much Portuguese, sorry). The next 4 minutes before she left were awkward as all getout! I know it was only awkward because I made it that way…anyways… I continued to scan the streets and I though I knew where I was every once in a while, but I never really did until right before my stop. I frantically stood up and pulled the string above me to single the driver that I needed to be let off! Stepping off the bus, I sighed in relief and thought to myself, as a first bus ride by myself, that wasn’t to bad.

I finally got to go to church with some people here! Turns out one of my friends at school is a Christian and so I went to her church. It was very great! While I could not understand the message and I only picked out a few words in the worship I was so uplifted just in being with a bunch of Christians. It is definitely a little more charismatic then church back home, but I really enjoyed it. I loved the worship because I could see and hear how the people were truly crying their praises to God. They didn’t care what anyone else thought. It was a true heartfelt praise to their Lord Jesus Christ. There were some different things that went on, however. At one point I think some guy was speaking in tongues and the pastor was translating, but I wasn’t quite sure because it all still sounds like tongues to me mostly…☺


Well God has surely been teaching me a lot. I still get discouraged about the language sometimes, but I know I need to learn patience. Its already getting better. (the language and my patience) but it still is a struggle. Thanks for reading ☺ and please leave a comment if you enjoyed it.

Until next time,

-Hope