In spite of the questions

These last two weeks have been a little harder for me. It’s a combination of things really. It started mainly around Thanks Giving time. I think one of the hardest things is that back home, this is a season to gather family and friends and have great times over big turkey diners. It’s a season to give thanks and Celebrate the birth of Christ. It’s a season of Festivities, and this year, I am missing all of that. To be sure, I will have parties here with my host family etc, its just not the same. I still doesn’t register in my mind that I am going to have Christmas in 90 degrees weather! The Christmas decorations for sure do not combine with the huge flowers and palm trees…

I also feel that sometimes I am wasting my time away here. I feel like a lazy 10 year old. I don’t always have a lot of things to do and sometimes I just stay at home and play video games and watch TV with my host brothers. While I have had some great times with my host brothers, I also feel like I need to be doing something with my life. I am getting out more for sure, and I actually just started making a list of things to do every day and started studying Chemistry online so that will help. (I felt like I am loosing all my memorization and learning skills! So I need to study something, and I need to get caught up on Chemistry anyways.) The hardest thing is that as I am growing and becoming more mature and experiencing life, I am more restricted and have less responsibility. I feel very tied down here at times. Since I am living with a Brazilian family here, I have to abide by their rules. Sometimes I ask myself, “Why did I put myself into a position with less responsibility and freedom then I have had for the last 2 years?” Don’t get my wrong, I like my host family, a lot, its just hard to be living under thier authority when I want to be living on my own and making my own decisions. As a result of that, I have been thinking how I could be doing so many better things back home. I could be studying and taking Clep-Tests to get ahead for college, I could be working and making money, I could be working with the service group Doulos again, and of course, I could be home. Well, this has for sure been the hardest thing that I have been dealing with since I’ve been here. I have cried more tears over this then anything here. The thing is, I have no doubt in my mind that this is the place God wants me to be. I know He has a purpose for me here, but sometimes I don’t know what that is. Many times, I feel like I don’t belong here. So I ask, “Then why am I here?”. But in spite of all the questions, I know with all my heart that God is good, and that He knows what He is doing. Being a Christian doesn’t mean that everywhere I go will be fun and happy. I refuse to by into the fake, smile plastered Christianity. We worship Him through the easy times and the hard ones. Sometimes God puts us in situations where we feel lonely, where we feel like we don’t belong, where we feel like the only thing in the world is to go back home. And while I don’t always know His purpose in that, I know He has one. “And I know that all works out to the good for those who love Him.” This doesn’t mean that I forget my worries, and everything is happy again. This is tiring, exhausting at times. Things aren’t always happy, and fun, and easy, but at least I know its good. While I don’t know all the answers, I know He does, and I can trust Him. Please pray for continual strength and perseverance.

On a lighter note, I went with my friend Verena and her two host siblings to go ice skating in one of the malls here. When we got there, the ice rink was really small, choppy and covered in slush. And it was really expensive. Verena and I look at each other and said, we can do this back home for free on glass smooth ice…haha it was funny. But we had a good time just talking as her two siblings went ice skating.

I have also been spending a lot more time with Morgan here. I would ask for you to continue to pray for her. We have been reading through the book of John together. She is so close to accepting Jesus Christ, it makes me so excited! She is such a wonderful friend too.

Well this weekend I am going to a Sitio (small farm type place) with my host family and Verena. They have horses and we are going to go horse back riding! I am SOO excited for that! It will be so great! I am excited to just get away from the city and everything here and get into the country and just have some good family time there.

Oh, last week end I got to go to church two times! I went on Sat night with my friend Alberto (a Brazilian that I met in Winter Park last year. He lives here in the same city I am living in. He was working at Devil’s Thumb Ranch last year). So that was really great. And then I went Sunday morning to another church on my own. They were both very different, but I like them a lot. It was exciting because at the Sat night service, I could understand almost everything the preacher was saying! I am for sure going back there. I really enjoyed it.

Well, that’s about it. Thanks for reading, and please leave comments ☺ I love reading what you guys write. Until next time,

-Hope