Well its been a while since I’ve written. I am getting more lazy week by week with writing in my blog… I feel like there has been so much that has gone on, but I don’t know how to put it in words, none the less words that people actually want to read. So here goes my attempt.
I am liking my host family a lot. Especially my two brothers. There is Lukas, who is 12, and Marcelo, who is 14. They are pretty down to earth and just really fun. I have a big connection with them. We played video games for hours the other day, they are teaching my how to play ping-pong (and I really am getting better!), and we had a huge water fight and all ended up soaking wet. I have laughed so hard with my bros! It has been great. My host mom is also really great. Her name is Patricia and she is very sweet. I already feel comfortable with asking her anything if I need something. I like my host dad Robson, although he is the only one in the family I don’t have a connection with. The only thing that is hard in this family is that they are much more strict then my other host family. This has been a really hard thing for me living here in Brasil. Even with my other family too. I was at a stage in life back home where I just wanted to live my own life and make my own decisions. I had so much more freedom the last year or two back in CO. Many times I wonder, “Why did I put myself under the authority of a family again?” I understand that my family here is responsible for me, and that Belo Horizonte is a big and can be very dangerous city. So they are not being unreasonable with their rules, its just that I don’t like them. It has been hard, but it also has been a good lesson to continue to humble myself and be ok with what my host parents say even if it is not what I want. God continuously has His ways of keeping me humble and selfless.
Friday November 21st was my last day of school at Frei Orlando. Yes, I am now in summer break! Right before I left, I was sitting with Jessica and she started crying and wrote me a really sweet note. Yes, I am going to miss not seeing them at school every day, but I reassured her that we will hang out. This is not the end of a friendship, we may not see each other as much, but that doesn’t make me love her any less. I never realized how much of an impact I had made on her life until she gave me that note, it really was a blessing for me. But I know that it was not what I did. Because there were so, so, so, many times where I messed up and where I was not a good example and where I did not shine for Christ. It was God that touched her through me, and I can give HIM all the praise and glory for that. Thank you Lord for using me as a vessel, even though I am completely messed up, to bless others with YOUR love and grace.
Well about Church, I was going to go last Saturday night, but there ended up having a wedding so they didn’t have church. And Sunday I went to Feira Hippie (this huge fair/market place. Its amazing. There are TONS and TONS of people…) in the morning with my host mom and brother. But this Friday night I am going to the Presbyterian church for the Youth worship night. So I’m pretty excited about that!
Today is my 120th day in Brasil! I cannot believe I have been here for 4 month already…I am almost half way through my year already. I will be here for about 6 months longer. Wow how fast the time has gone…November especially went really really fast. It feels like yesterday that it was the beginning of November. I think there are days missing...I just seems like its going so fast I cannot believe it. It makes me excited and so scared at the same time. I want to use my time here for the best, and sometimes I feel like I've wasted a lot of it. And that scares me. I know its not entirely true. While yes, there has been a lot of wasted time, there has also been a lot of time put to good use. I just pray that I would be able to use the time God has given me for His glory. I would appreciate prayers in that area. Thanks :-)
Well, that’s all for now folks, until next time
-Hope
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
House Swap
Well last night I moved houses. My old family actually threw a little surprise party for me which was really sweet. And when I left Iza started crying when I hugged her. I'm going to miss her. Well I'm at my new house now, and I don't know what to think yet. I am filled with a mixture of emotions. Excitement, nervousness, sadness, missing my old house and family (and my bed, this one is kinda hard and my back is hurting because of it...but my host parents are going to switch it, so its ok).
Well I've been learning that I am a person that needs change in life. Its hard for me to stay in one place for a long time. But at the same time, I was just getting used to everything back in my old house. And now I'm starting new again. I think it will be easier here, in a way, because I can communicate through Portuguese now. But its still hard. I especially miss Iza and my "Brother" Lorran (one of my best friends from school that lives two blocks from my old house). I am going to miss being able to just walk over to his house and watch a movie with a group of people from school. Well, I would appreciate prayer as I enter this new family, and this new side of the city.
I will write a little more later, but for now, this is all I have time for. Thank you all for your prayers it means so much to me.
-Hope
Well I've been learning that I am a person that needs change in life. Its hard for me to stay in one place for a long time. But at the same time, I was just getting used to everything back in my old house. And now I'm starting new again. I think it will be easier here, in a way, because I can communicate through Portuguese now. But its still hard. I especially miss Iza and my "Brother" Lorran (one of my best friends from school that lives two blocks from my old house). I am going to miss being able to just walk over to his house and watch a movie with a group of people from school. Well, I would appreciate prayer as I enter this new family, and this new side of the city.
I will write a little more later, but for now, this is all I have time for. Thank you all for your prayers it means so much to me.
-Hope
Monday, November 3, 2008
almost 100 days
Today is my 98th day in Brazil.
Its crazy to think that I have spent one third of my time here already! It is exciting, sad, scary, all sorts of things. I can see so much progress in the these first months, but I also see how much father I have to go. I am about the change host families which is also very exciting, but at the same time not. I like my family here a lot. They are so great. I know how they work, I know the area around here, and what busses to take. Its like I’m going to start all over again at my next house. The neighborhood that I am in now is called Caiçara and is a ways away from my next host home in the neighborhood Sion. However, Sion is very close to the center of the city, which is where everyone meets and goes out. Down Town here is great. It’s a lot richer and safer, much more clean and has tons of places to go to with friends. That is where all the shopping is, where the huge Sports Club called Minas Tênis Clube is, really where all the cool places are. It is also a lot closer to some good churches! This is great because I hopefully can start worshiping with a church that I know is truly sound and based on the Word. The only hard thing is that I am living with Brasilian Family. I am like a part of their family while I live with them. So at times we go traveling on the weekends or are doing things that I am involved in and so I cannot be as involved in church as I want. But I am hoping with my next family I will have lots of time for Church. I will try to make it clear that it is a very important thing for me. From what I know of them so far, I think it will all be ok.
Well, I have been learning more and more about the cultural differences between Brazilians and Americans. Brazilians are known for their welcoming, always friendly and happy personalities. However, I have seen how this results in very clingy and more selfish centered friendships. For example, when people here have a friend that has a opportunity to move to another country, or go to a better school, instead of being happy for them, they get depressed and wonder why that friend would be so horrible to leave them like alone. I cannot say this for all Brazilians but I have seen in a bit during my time here. For example, right now I am going to a local highschool, it is very boring and honestly a big waste of time for me. I am only now starting to understand the teachers and even then, I don’t have any of the books, I don’t take the tests. I spend lots of time just sitting or sometimes sleeping. I have been reading some and writing some but I can only do that for so much time before I get bored. I love my friends at school, and that’s one of the only profitable things there for me. Well, I have been talking with Rotary about changing schools, about trying to maybe do culinary school or go to university and actually study something that interests me. Just recently I was accepted to a University here to study some courses in Nutrition and Culinary Arts. I am very excited about this opportunity for next year! (here the school year goes from end of Feb to end of Nov. so I will be starting at the beginning of the school year). Well I told me friend at my highschool about it and instead of being happy that I have this opportunity she said how sad she was and that she thought my host mom wanted to ruin our relationship etc. Its something I don’t understand. I will still spent time with her, its not like I am leaving for ever. Ya, I won’t see her in school and that is sad, I will miss that, but she didn’t need to tell me that I should stay in highschool and not embrace this great opportunity because she is very sad about it. These are the small things that make it hard for me to understand this culture and its people.
Well I had another experience at a Brazilian party. It made me never want to go to one again. It was a costume party. I dressed up like a doll with a big dress and pig tails. When I got there I felt quite out of place with the skin tight witch outfits and revealing cat costumes. There were a good 700-800 people there. Everyone was drinking and smoking. The music was blasting. I think I danced for 10 minutes and then left to go sit when the “Funky” came on. (It is repulsive music in my opinion. And it comes along with repulsive dancing). My shoes stuck to the floor because of all the spilled alcohol on it. I had beer down my arm and some vodka drink in my skirt. Me and my friend Verena were the only two people not drinking and some of the only ones not smoking. People were making out and more. I had some good times actually talking with people, although I got asked several times by guys if I had a boyfriend and if they could kiss me. I never got to scared the whole time. I know how to put a guy in his place. But all the guys wanted Verena because she is a tall beautiful blue-eyed short light colored hair German girl. She is a little more timid and doesn’t know how to just say no and walk away from a guy, so the whole time I was rescuing her from drunk Brazilians trying to hit on her. It was an interesting experience, but at least I now feel comfortable with how to handle situations like that. None the less, that was my first and most likely last Brazilian costume party. My type of party is a having 3 friends over, making dinner and watching a movie. A little different then the Brazilian way…
Well on a good note, I have started to become good friends with another exchange student, Morgan, from Alaska. I have had the opportunity to share the gospel with her and talk to her about Christ and how its all about a relationship with Christ not just a list of things to do and not do. She is super open to the Gospel and I think super close to accepting Christ. I would appreciate it if you could keep her in your prayers. Pray that Christ would draw her heart towards Him and that He would give me the words to say to her, because I know it is Him and not me that will draw her into the kingdom.
Please continue to pray that I will be able to find my nitch, the place where I belong in this city. I think it will be easier when I am fluent in Portuguese. I am getting there, but still have a little ways to go. Please pray that I would seize every opportunity to glorify God in my life here and be a light to those around me. Thank you for your prayers, it means so much. God bless,
Ate proximo vez, (until next time)
-Hope
Its crazy to think that I have spent one third of my time here already! It is exciting, sad, scary, all sorts of things. I can see so much progress in the these first months, but I also see how much father I have to go. I am about the change host families which is also very exciting, but at the same time not. I like my family here a lot. They are so great. I know how they work, I know the area around here, and what busses to take. Its like I’m going to start all over again at my next house. The neighborhood that I am in now is called Caiçara and is a ways away from my next host home in the neighborhood Sion. However, Sion is very close to the center of the city, which is where everyone meets and goes out. Down Town here is great. It’s a lot richer and safer, much more clean and has tons of places to go to with friends. That is where all the shopping is, where the huge Sports Club called Minas Tênis Clube is, really where all the cool places are. It is also a lot closer to some good churches! This is great because I hopefully can start worshiping with a church that I know is truly sound and based on the Word. The only hard thing is that I am living with Brasilian Family. I am like a part of their family while I live with them. So at times we go traveling on the weekends or are doing things that I am involved in and so I cannot be as involved in church as I want. But I am hoping with my next family I will have lots of time for Church. I will try to make it clear that it is a very important thing for me. From what I know of them so far, I think it will all be ok.
Well, I have been learning more and more about the cultural differences between Brazilians and Americans. Brazilians are known for their welcoming, always friendly and happy personalities. However, I have seen how this results in very clingy and more selfish centered friendships. For example, when people here have a friend that has a opportunity to move to another country, or go to a better school, instead of being happy for them, they get depressed and wonder why that friend would be so horrible to leave them like alone. I cannot say this for all Brazilians but I have seen in a bit during my time here. For example, right now I am going to a local highschool, it is very boring and honestly a big waste of time for me. I am only now starting to understand the teachers and even then, I don’t have any of the books, I don’t take the tests. I spend lots of time just sitting or sometimes sleeping. I have been reading some and writing some but I can only do that for so much time before I get bored. I love my friends at school, and that’s one of the only profitable things there for me. Well, I have been talking with Rotary about changing schools, about trying to maybe do culinary school or go to university and actually study something that interests me. Just recently I was accepted to a University here to study some courses in Nutrition and Culinary Arts. I am very excited about this opportunity for next year! (here the school year goes from end of Feb to end of Nov. so I will be starting at the beginning of the school year). Well I told me friend at my highschool about it and instead of being happy that I have this opportunity she said how sad she was and that she thought my host mom wanted to ruin our relationship etc. Its something I don’t understand. I will still spent time with her, its not like I am leaving for ever. Ya, I won’t see her in school and that is sad, I will miss that, but she didn’t need to tell me that I should stay in highschool and not embrace this great opportunity because she is very sad about it. These are the small things that make it hard for me to understand this culture and its people.
Well I had another experience at a Brazilian party. It made me never want to go to one again. It was a costume party. I dressed up like a doll with a big dress and pig tails. When I got there I felt quite out of place with the skin tight witch outfits and revealing cat costumes. There were a good 700-800 people there. Everyone was drinking and smoking. The music was blasting. I think I danced for 10 minutes and then left to go sit when the “Funky” came on. (It is repulsive music in my opinion. And it comes along with repulsive dancing). My shoes stuck to the floor because of all the spilled alcohol on it. I had beer down my arm and some vodka drink in my skirt. Me and my friend Verena were the only two people not drinking and some of the only ones not smoking. People were making out and more. I had some good times actually talking with people, although I got asked several times by guys if I had a boyfriend and if they could kiss me. I never got to scared the whole time. I know how to put a guy in his place. But all the guys wanted Verena because she is a tall beautiful blue-eyed short light colored hair German girl. She is a little more timid and doesn’t know how to just say no and walk away from a guy, so the whole time I was rescuing her from drunk Brazilians trying to hit on her. It was an interesting experience, but at least I now feel comfortable with how to handle situations like that. None the less, that was my first and most likely last Brazilian costume party. My type of party is a having 3 friends over, making dinner and watching a movie. A little different then the Brazilian way…
Well on a good note, I have started to become good friends with another exchange student, Morgan, from Alaska. I have had the opportunity to share the gospel with her and talk to her about Christ and how its all about a relationship with Christ not just a list of things to do and not do. She is super open to the Gospel and I think super close to accepting Christ. I would appreciate it if you could keep her in your prayers. Pray that Christ would draw her heart towards Him and that He would give me the words to say to her, because I know it is Him and not me that will draw her into the kingdom.
Please continue to pray that I will be able to find my nitch, the place where I belong in this city. I think it will be easier when I am fluent in Portuguese. I am getting there, but still have a little ways to go. Please pray that I would seize every opportunity to glorify God in my life here and be a light to those around me. Thank you for your prayers, it means so much. God bless,
Ate proximo vez, (until next time)
-Hope
Thursday, October 23, 2008
There's no place like home
While times are getting better here, it still doesn’t feel like home. At times I feel like this whole adventure isn’t a section of my life, but rather a stop in my life until I return home. At times I feel like an astronaut, the world keeps turning and the people keep living, but I’m just looking on through a window in outer space. Its not like that always, only sometimes, but its hard to find my life here, where I belong, where I fit in.
The days go so slow, dragging on from one hour to the next, but the months pass by so fast like the cold days here in Brasil. I have already met my knew host family and I am going to change in a couple weeks now. Wow, come the 26th of October, I will have been here for three months! To think I only have 7 or 8 more is just ridiculous! I think back to what I have gotten accomplished here. I have learned so much, but I want to start getting into action more! I want to get really involved in a church, but I need to find one that I can trust. This is something for sure to be praying for. I want to get involved in some kind of ministry. All of the opportunities I have had are on days that are not available for me. I think the best thing is to get connected with a church and then help with some ministries within that church. That is probably my biggest prayer request right now. I think if I can do this, I can truly start finding my place in this huge city, in this strange country.
I have been learning a lot about Brazilian culture, Brazilian people, and Brazilian salaries. The people here are so very friendly and always have a good face on. They are very hospitable with their friends and to guests. They never leave you outside the group. But on the other extreme, there really is no sense of service when it comes to jobs. You have to push and push to get anyone to help you. Its really interesting to see the great extremes between different parts of life. Lots of times I feel a big fakeness about it all. Its easy to make friends here in Brazil, but its hard to get to know people for who they really are. People would love to have thousands of friends and go out to clubs and dance all night, but when it comes to truly knowing the heart of something, Brazilians for the most part are very blocked off. I have made two good friends here, and still I don’t know how well I really know them. Another thing about Brazilians is that there is a huge gap between the rich and the poor, and the rich like to make sure everyone knows they are rich. Its so sad because there are a few with tons of money that keep it all for themselves. Then there are the many many poor people. The gap is like the Grand Canyon. Securing the rich with a sense of comfort on one side and dooming the poor with hopelessness on the other. I want to help. It is all so different here then in America. All the families that have any money have both parents working full time jobs. My host mom has three jobs and works all the time! My host dad is gone every other week traveling and when he is home is works every day all day long. Minimum wage is something ridiculously small. I made more money in one week working at Wild Horse Gourmet, then the maid does at my house in one month who cleans and cooks every single week day from 6:30 am until sometimes 9 or 10 pm. Yes she lives in this house for free and she gets a month of vacation, but it still is such a small amount. Its truly humbling.
Well, this post is a little shorter. I will post again soon, I am going to a big party this weekend, so I am sure I will have lots to say about that. Well it will give you something to look forward too. Until then my friends,
-Hope
The days go so slow, dragging on from one hour to the next, but the months pass by so fast like the cold days here in Brasil. I have already met my knew host family and I am going to change in a couple weeks now. Wow, come the 26th of October, I will have been here for three months! To think I only have 7 or 8 more is just ridiculous! I think back to what I have gotten accomplished here. I have learned so much, but I want to start getting into action more! I want to get really involved in a church, but I need to find one that I can trust. This is something for sure to be praying for. I want to get involved in some kind of ministry. All of the opportunities I have had are on days that are not available for me. I think the best thing is to get connected with a church and then help with some ministries within that church. That is probably my biggest prayer request right now. I think if I can do this, I can truly start finding my place in this huge city, in this strange country.
I have been learning a lot about Brazilian culture, Brazilian people, and Brazilian salaries. The people here are so very friendly and always have a good face on. They are very hospitable with their friends and to guests. They never leave you outside the group. But on the other extreme, there really is no sense of service when it comes to jobs. You have to push and push to get anyone to help you. Its really interesting to see the great extremes between different parts of life. Lots of times I feel a big fakeness about it all. Its easy to make friends here in Brazil, but its hard to get to know people for who they really are. People would love to have thousands of friends and go out to clubs and dance all night, but when it comes to truly knowing the heart of something, Brazilians for the most part are very blocked off. I have made two good friends here, and still I don’t know how well I really know them. Another thing about Brazilians is that there is a huge gap between the rich and the poor, and the rich like to make sure everyone knows they are rich. Its so sad because there are a few with tons of money that keep it all for themselves. Then there are the many many poor people. The gap is like the Grand Canyon. Securing the rich with a sense of comfort on one side and dooming the poor with hopelessness on the other. I want to help. It is all so different here then in America. All the families that have any money have both parents working full time jobs. My host mom has three jobs and works all the time! My host dad is gone every other week traveling and when he is home is works every day all day long. Minimum wage is something ridiculously small. I made more money in one week working at Wild Horse Gourmet, then the maid does at my house in one month who cleans and cooks every single week day from 6:30 am until sometimes 9 or 10 pm. Yes she lives in this house for free and she gets a month of vacation, but it still is such a small amount. Its truly humbling.
Well, this post is a little shorter. I will post again soon, I am going to a big party this weekend, so I am sure I will have lots to say about that. Well it will give you something to look forward too. Until then my friends,
-Hope
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
So its been a while....
I feel like I have a lot to say, but at the same time, not much at all. Its been almost 2 weeks since I’ve posted….sorry about that…
Here is a highlight from these last two weeks:
October 4th at 11 pm, I squirmed out of the car as best I could with my 4 inch heals and long formal dress. I don’t quite understand how some women can exit and enter cars with such grace and elegance while wearing such constricting dresses and ankle braking heals… It truly is an art, one that I will never be fluent in…I entered the building with my friend who was the only person I knew there. The music was blasting, all sorts of lights were blinking and flashing colors all around the room. The birthday girl (she was turning 15) was standing at the entrance with her parents greeting all the guests. There were tables with huge flower arrangements, the cake the size of a wedding cake, two TVs playing music videos and disco balls that splattered light all across the room. There was a table of candy, free drinks, people serving finger food of all sorts to the guests. First we were all just talking and hanging out together. It is hard enough for me to understand Portuguese, but in a building with blasting music, the difficulty is multiplied… The birthday girl had three different dresses throughout the evening. One for greeting people, one for the waltz with her father and the other 15 men, which consisted of family and close friends, and one for, well, one for after all that stuff…There was a film of photos from her childhood and then another film which they repeatedly played throughout the night of this girl doing a photo shoot. It was, in fact, quite repealing. Right before the waltz, everyone gathered around to watch this film where the girl flaunted her skinny body off to the whole world. The worst part about it was afterwards, her father was clapping and almost crying in admiration of his daughter. “Wow, how great, this girls father is encouraging his daughter to continue to believe that life is all about looks. And that how we appear in this world and to those around us is what will determine our worth in life”, I thought to myself. After that, everyone got up and starting dancing. And I mean everyone…the parents at this party were no different then the kids. Drinking and dancing. I had fun lots of the time during this dancing part, although for some songs I just left and went to the bathroom cuz I had no desire to dance in the way that those people were dancing. I thought I was going to have to pull out my slapping move sometime that evening. (For those of you who don’t know, If any boy tries to kiss me, I will certainly slap them). There were multiple people that asked me, “Hope, porque voce nao fica com um homen?” (Hope, why don’t you fica with any guys here?”. They have this expression, “Fica” that means to kiss a guy do what ever you want with him for that one night and then never see them again after that. People continuously pushed me, “Why don’t you kiss some guys”, “I have a friend that wants to kiss you, I will take him to you”, “Come on Hope, its just one night and its fun!”. I just said the whole time, “No! I don’t want to, I’m just not into that kind of stuff, no thanks, I really don’t want to.” After a while they stopped asking me, but man it was ridiculous. This also was a small birthday party and cost about 15,000 reais! (about 7,000 dollars). They have some that get up to 150,000 reais. It is ridiculous how much money these people spend on birthday parties. I will give one note though, the 15 years birthday is one of the most important in a persons life here. Not all parties are like this. This is only for 15 years. It is a special year signifying a child’s coming into adulthood. So this is not a typical birthday party for every age. But that was my first experience at a 15 year old birthday party. It was interesting. If I was to explain it in one sentence, it would go something like this. The party as a mixture between a wedding reception, a high school dance, and a night club.
Well I am getting better at the language. I can now, for the most part, hold a conversation if the person talks a little slower and clearly. My responses aren’t fluent, but I can actually understand things and have conversations. So that is such a blessing! It is interesting though, I can understand almost everything in a conversation, but when listening to someone talking in a Rotary meeting, or my classes at school it is still hard to understand much. I think partly because they talk faster and don’t stop so I don’t have time to think about it all to understand it. And its hard to concentrate. I will concentrate really hard for a few minutes and then my mind wanders off onto something else. So I can see that I am progressing, but I still have a ways to go until fluency.
Well I went to a Fevela (slum) this past Sunday with Rotary. It was Children’s Day and so we gathered a ton of Favela children into the school there and played games, made balloon figurines, and gave out candy and presents to them. There were so many kids and most the time it was like a Zoo! But it was great to just get to help with some of those kids.
Well, my main prayer request right now is that I would not forget what I have been learning. As times start to get easier, I don’t want to go back to how things were before. I have learned so much and I want to continue to apply these things to my life. It is a lot easier to do that when I have no other choice but to communicate without words or totally rely on God. But now that I am becoming conversational and getting used to how things work here, I have to choose to continue to communicate through my actions and continue to rely on God for everything. This is much harder.
Thank you so much for your prayers,
-Hope
Here is a highlight from these last two weeks:
October 4th at 11 pm, I squirmed out of the car as best I could with my 4 inch heals and long formal dress. I don’t quite understand how some women can exit and enter cars with such grace and elegance while wearing such constricting dresses and ankle braking heals… It truly is an art, one that I will never be fluent in…I entered the building with my friend who was the only person I knew there. The music was blasting, all sorts of lights were blinking and flashing colors all around the room. The birthday girl (she was turning 15) was standing at the entrance with her parents greeting all the guests. There were tables with huge flower arrangements, the cake the size of a wedding cake, two TVs playing music videos and disco balls that splattered light all across the room. There was a table of candy, free drinks, people serving finger food of all sorts to the guests. First we were all just talking and hanging out together. It is hard enough for me to understand Portuguese, but in a building with blasting music, the difficulty is multiplied… The birthday girl had three different dresses throughout the evening. One for greeting people, one for the waltz with her father and the other 15 men, which consisted of family and close friends, and one for, well, one for after all that stuff…There was a film of photos from her childhood and then another film which they repeatedly played throughout the night of this girl doing a photo shoot. It was, in fact, quite repealing. Right before the waltz, everyone gathered around to watch this film where the girl flaunted her skinny body off to the whole world. The worst part about it was afterwards, her father was clapping and almost crying in admiration of his daughter. “Wow, how great, this girls father is encouraging his daughter to continue to believe that life is all about looks. And that how we appear in this world and to those around us is what will determine our worth in life”, I thought to myself. After that, everyone got up and starting dancing. And I mean everyone…the parents at this party were no different then the kids. Drinking and dancing. I had fun lots of the time during this dancing part, although for some songs I just left and went to the bathroom cuz I had no desire to dance in the way that those people were dancing. I thought I was going to have to pull out my slapping move sometime that evening. (For those of you who don’t know, If any boy tries to kiss me, I will certainly slap them). There were multiple people that asked me, “Hope, porque voce nao fica com um homen?” (Hope, why don’t you fica with any guys here?”. They have this expression, “Fica” that means to kiss a guy do what ever you want with him for that one night and then never see them again after that. People continuously pushed me, “Why don’t you kiss some guys”, “I have a friend that wants to kiss you, I will take him to you”, “Come on Hope, its just one night and its fun!”. I just said the whole time, “No! I don’t want to, I’m just not into that kind of stuff, no thanks, I really don’t want to.” After a while they stopped asking me, but man it was ridiculous. This also was a small birthday party and cost about 15,000 reais! (about 7,000 dollars). They have some that get up to 150,000 reais. It is ridiculous how much money these people spend on birthday parties. I will give one note though, the 15 years birthday is one of the most important in a persons life here. Not all parties are like this. This is only for 15 years. It is a special year signifying a child’s coming into adulthood. So this is not a typical birthday party for every age. But that was my first experience at a 15 year old birthday party. It was interesting. If I was to explain it in one sentence, it would go something like this. The party as a mixture between a wedding reception, a high school dance, and a night club.
Well I am getting better at the language. I can now, for the most part, hold a conversation if the person talks a little slower and clearly. My responses aren’t fluent, but I can actually understand things and have conversations. So that is such a blessing! It is interesting though, I can understand almost everything in a conversation, but when listening to someone talking in a Rotary meeting, or my classes at school it is still hard to understand much. I think partly because they talk faster and don’t stop so I don’t have time to think about it all to understand it. And its hard to concentrate. I will concentrate really hard for a few minutes and then my mind wanders off onto something else. So I can see that I am progressing, but I still have a ways to go until fluency.
Well I went to a Fevela (slum) this past Sunday with Rotary. It was Children’s Day and so we gathered a ton of Favela children into the school there and played games, made balloon figurines, and gave out candy and presents to them. There were so many kids and most the time it was like a Zoo! But it was great to just get to help with some of those kids.
Well, my main prayer request right now is that I would not forget what I have been learning. As times start to get easier, I don’t want to go back to how things were before. I have learned so much and I want to continue to apply these things to my life. It is a lot easier to do that when I have no other choice but to communicate without words or totally rely on God. But now that I am becoming conversational and getting used to how things work here, I have to choose to continue to communicate through my actions and continue to rely on God for everything. This is much harder.
Thank you so much for your prayers,
-Hope
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Cooking or God?
Well, it is October 2nd. Today marks my 66th day in Brasil. Wow, so long, yet so short.
Things here have been pretty good. I have had some really good days where I laughed until I cried and could actually hold a conversation with someone. I feel much more like myself as I get better and better at Portuguese. I still have a ways to go, but I can for sure tell I am getting better. Thank the Lord!
But I still have my days where I just want to go home. I still feel alone here, especially Spiritually. I don’t have Christian fellowship. Ya I have a couple Christian friends. But I don’t have true Christian fellowship. I don’t know how else to describe it than that. I am trying to go to some more churches and youth groups etc. but its still hard to understand because of the language and I have to be so careful with who and what I trust. I don’t know that the church I am going to is teaching Biblically because I cannot understand it all right now. I guess this has to do with everything here really. I cannot trust anything at this moment to be sound, true, stable. Because I have not had time to understand it all. Its draining. I just want something that I know is true that I can trust for sure! I am realizing that the only thing I have is God.
Through this and some other experiences God is starting to show me that He is the only thing that I can always rely on. That He will never fail. Its funny the ways we learn these things. I’ve just recently realized that God is teaching me this while attempting to cook here with Iza. But first I need to give a little background info. For those of you who know me pretty well, you know that I love to cook. Cooking has, for the last few years, been a way that I can de-stress. If I had a bad day at school, I would go home and cook something and listen to some worship music. This always helped me get my thoughts straightened out and calm down. I didn’t only cook when I was stressed however. I also cooked just for the pleasure of cooking. Anyways, today as I was helping Iza cook lunch for everyone. I kept messing up; I kept doing things wrong. The types of food, the way they cook it, the utensils they use, and everything about cooking is just different here. I felt helpless in that kitchen. Well, I came up to me room afterwards, sat on my bed and almost cried. I miss my kitchen so much. I miss the familiarity of it all back in CO. After writing a short email, God revealed to me how He is cutting off all my dependence on these earthly things. Nothing material here is certain. The only thing I can always rely on is God. He is teaching me this slowly but surely, and boy does it hurt. Its like this:
Think of the rivers and ponds all scattered through out the Rocky Mountains. There is always a river flowing into a pond and a river flowing out. This is in order to keep the pond from overflowing or becoming stagnate. My being, my soul, my body is like that pond. The river flowing into it is life; the things I experience here on earth. And the river flowing out of it is what I rely on to keep me from overflowing and growing stagnant. For me, I have a lot of those outlets. Some include cooking, relationships, my own intelligence and knowledge. Those all are pretty big outlets, but my outlet labeled “God” is a trickling flow of water not worthy to be called stream. Well, God is slowly damming up all my other outlets. He has already closed off my reliance on my own intelligence and knowledge by living in a country without knowing the language, customs, bus routs. I cannot yet fully trust in my relationships with people here. I have some good friends, But I don’t know them well enough to take everything they say as the truth. And not I cannot trust my cooking anymore. My pond is filling up and the pressure is tearing apart the earth at the outlet named “God”. It hurts when God suddenly blocks off what keeps us going and slowly tears out what we rely on in order to place it all on Him. I will always struggle with relying full on God. This is a life long battle, a life long lesson. But God is teaching me this in a whole new way right now. Now I do not think that cooking is bad, or trusting in relationships is bad, or that using my knowledge to help me is bad. These are all necessary things! But when I place them in front of my reliance in God, I will always fall.
_______________________________________________
2 Chronicles 16:7-9
“At that time Hanani the seer came to Asa king of Judah and said to him: "Because you relied on the king of Aram and not on the LORD your God, the army of the king of Aram has escaped from your hand. Were not the Cushites and Libyans a mighty army with great numbers of chariots and horsemen? Yet when you relied on the LORD, he delivered them into your hand. For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. You have done a foolish thing, and from now on you will be at war."
_________________________________________________
Isaiah 31:1
“Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help,
who rely on horses,
who trust in the multitude of their chariots
and in the great strength of their horsemen,
but do not look to the Holy One of Israel,
or seek help from the LORD.”
______________________________________________
2 Corinthians 1:8-12a
“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers”.
Things here have been pretty good. I have had some really good days where I laughed until I cried and could actually hold a conversation with someone. I feel much more like myself as I get better and better at Portuguese. I still have a ways to go, but I can for sure tell I am getting better. Thank the Lord!
But I still have my days where I just want to go home. I still feel alone here, especially Spiritually. I don’t have Christian fellowship. Ya I have a couple Christian friends. But I don’t have true Christian fellowship. I don’t know how else to describe it than that. I am trying to go to some more churches and youth groups etc. but its still hard to understand because of the language and I have to be so careful with who and what I trust. I don’t know that the church I am going to is teaching Biblically because I cannot understand it all right now. I guess this has to do with everything here really. I cannot trust anything at this moment to be sound, true, stable. Because I have not had time to understand it all. Its draining. I just want something that I know is true that I can trust for sure! I am realizing that the only thing I have is God.
Through this and some other experiences God is starting to show me that He is the only thing that I can always rely on. That He will never fail. Its funny the ways we learn these things. I’ve just recently realized that God is teaching me this while attempting to cook here with Iza. But first I need to give a little background info. For those of you who know me pretty well, you know that I love to cook. Cooking has, for the last few years, been a way that I can de-stress. If I had a bad day at school, I would go home and cook something and listen to some worship music. This always helped me get my thoughts straightened out and calm down. I didn’t only cook when I was stressed however. I also cooked just for the pleasure of cooking. Anyways, today as I was helping Iza cook lunch for everyone. I kept messing up; I kept doing things wrong. The types of food, the way they cook it, the utensils they use, and everything about cooking is just different here. I felt helpless in that kitchen. Well, I came up to me room afterwards, sat on my bed and almost cried. I miss my kitchen so much. I miss the familiarity of it all back in CO. After writing a short email, God revealed to me how He is cutting off all my dependence on these earthly things. Nothing material here is certain. The only thing I can always rely on is God. He is teaching me this slowly but surely, and boy does it hurt. Its like this:
Think of the rivers and ponds all scattered through out the Rocky Mountains. There is always a river flowing into a pond and a river flowing out. This is in order to keep the pond from overflowing or becoming stagnate. My being, my soul, my body is like that pond. The river flowing into it is life; the things I experience here on earth. And the river flowing out of it is what I rely on to keep me from overflowing and growing stagnant. For me, I have a lot of those outlets. Some include cooking, relationships, my own intelligence and knowledge. Those all are pretty big outlets, but my outlet labeled “God” is a trickling flow of water not worthy to be called stream. Well, God is slowly damming up all my other outlets. He has already closed off my reliance on my own intelligence and knowledge by living in a country without knowing the language, customs, bus routs. I cannot yet fully trust in my relationships with people here. I have some good friends, But I don’t know them well enough to take everything they say as the truth. And not I cannot trust my cooking anymore. My pond is filling up and the pressure is tearing apart the earth at the outlet named “God”. It hurts when God suddenly blocks off what keeps us going and slowly tears out what we rely on in order to place it all on Him. I will always struggle with relying full on God. This is a life long battle, a life long lesson. But God is teaching me this in a whole new way right now. Now I do not think that cooking is bad, or trusting in relationships is bad, or that using my knowledge to help me is bad. These are all necessary things! But when I place them in front of my reliance in God, I will always fall.
_______________________________________________
2 Chronicles 16:7-9
“At that time Hanani the seer came to Asa king of Judah and said to him: "Because you relied on the king of Aram and not on the LORD your God, the army of the king of Aram has escaped from your hand. Were not the Cushites and Libyans a mighty army with great numbers of chariots and horsemen? Yet when you relied on the LORD, he delivered them into your hand. For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. You have done a foolish thing, and from now on you will be at war."
_________________________________________________
Isaiah 31:1
“Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help,
who rely on horses,
who trust in the multitude of their chariots
and in the great strength of their horsemen,
but do not look to the Holy One of Israel,
or seek help from the LORD.”
______________________________________________
2 Corinthians 1:8-12a
“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers”.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Highs and Lows and In-Betweens
Where to start, this last week has been full of, well, everything!
Last week, I skipped both Monday and Friday school. I slept in a little more and then hung out/cooked/cleaned/ran errands with Iza. It really was great. I love Iza so much. She has this simplicity about her. She is crazy and fun like my friends back home. And she loves to just listen to me talk about CO and show her photos. So I love skipping school and just hanging with her. I love my friends at school, but honestly, school is so boring! Sometimes we have something exciting going on, but for the most part, school for me consists of sitting and sitting and sitting. I don’t have books, I don’t take tests, I don’t do anything there. Not that exciting… Tomorrow I am also going to skip school, but that is because I am going to a Portuguese class in the morning at 8:30 and believe it or not, I cannot be in two places at once. So, tomorrow, I am free!
Well I’ve had my days recently that were just really crappy. Such as the night of Tuesday the 16th. I tried to make peanut butter cookies again, and they just turned out horrible. That set me off, and then I went into a ragging hormonal frenzy of feeling fat and that I was a worthless cook and that it was all because of Brasil and I needed to just go back home. It was irrational, and frankly, very childish. The next morning was the same, but then in the afternoon I felt a lot better. The week of the 15th was for sure up and down.
That is only the beginning of this roller coaster learning process. Saturday night the 20th untill Tuesday the 23rd was a non-stop test and growth period. 9:30 p.m. Iza arrived at home and we set off together to spend the night at her cousin’s house on the other side of the city. We caught a buss, listened to music and talked about cell phones and other random things until we arrived there 45 minutes later. João, one of Iza’s friends met us there to walk with us to the house. It was pretty close, about one km away. When we arrived I saw the reality of many many many Brazilians. We entered a rusty door plastered against the cement wall, walked up the cement stairs and set our things down in a house that was literally the size of my bed room in my house back in CO. The white walls of the house had cracks and I could see some mold there. There was one queen sized bed (that me and Iza and her two friends slept on) and a small crib for the young son (three people lived in this tinny place!). The kitchen consisted of a tinny TV and boom box, a table the size of my dresser, food cabinets the size my bathroom cabinets back home, a faucet made of BPC pipe that sprayed water everywhere when turned on, and a gas stove. The bathroom was separate and shared with the other “apartments” that were there. It was small and had a toilet in the back and a shower head with the heater inside of it on the ceiling above the middle of the bathroom. There was no separate place to take a shower. It was like a shower with toilet inside; everything got drenched. Furthermore, the stench was horrible and the floor was dirty and slimy. The door was a bunch of planks of wood nailed together. It was hard and very sobering to see how people live with so little, and realize how many people live with even less. But that night was one of the best. I learned how to dance a Brazilian dance and laughed until I cried. They were simple people, living with almost nothing material, but they had a lot of love and laughter. Its something I cannot really describe. Its one of those things you just have to experience. I knew about people who lived like that. But it never registered until I spent one night living their lives. I realize how much I take the things I have for granted. God has blessed me with so much! SO MUCH! I cannot even comprehend it and I am overcome with joy with the thought of it.
Well, when we came back home Sunday afternoon I went to church again with my friends. It was interesting. I had a strange feeling about what was going on. There was some “spiritual” music playing and then people just randomly dancing. The dancing didn’t have any meaning, it was just something to look at while listening. And quite honestly, it wasn’t that great either. But the thing that really disturbed me was how loudly the crowed cheered and clapped after each song. I got the sense of this fake praise. It wasn’t a praise for God, it was a praise for the mediocre (at best) dancers. First of all, they were praising the creation, and praising its non-excellence. Two strikes. During that time I became desperately lonely and homesick. I especially missed my church back home. Everything here is so uncertain, it gets a little old after a while. I just wanted something that I knew was right, I knew was sound and good and I could trust. I consciously thought these exact words, “I don’t belong here, I am not suppose to be here.” As I came home very depressed, I decided to check my email one more time before I went to bed. I saw an email from one of my best friends. It was a short note sharing some thoughts on how he thought God was trying to teach me. He shared a Bible verse with me and then said these exact words, “don’t get discouraged, you are right where you are suppose to be. So live life, and live it abundantly! There is nothing that you can not do or overcome!”. It was totally a God thing, cuz that was the one thing I needed to hear at the point in time. I realized how the Devil had gotten a hold in my heart through my homesickness. But I know that God wants me to be here. I know that I am living in His will and I will not believe the lies of the Devil. Well the next day was still hard. I was again desperately homesick all day. After my friend (the Christian one I go to church with) said some things about CO I just got flat out mad and played the victim. I then partly jokingly (but mostyl seriously) fought with her. I said how I hated how they made fun of CO and didn’t appreciate where I came from, how I hated it when she assumed things about my friends and how she doesn’t know them etc. We were yelling at each other in the middle of class and most everyone was looking at us. After my childish outburst, I just covered my heard with my jacket and sat there. A little while later I pulled my chair up to hers and we actually talked about it. As best as we could at least, with my still not great Portuguese. I explained how lonely I felt and I didn’t appreciate some of the things they had done. And how the Devil had been pulling me down. She reminded me that the Devil has no power over my life, and that I am never alone because God is always with me. She said I should never feel alone again because she was always there for me. I appreciate her so much, even though I have been hurt by her the most. However, she can never understand the kind of loneliness that I experience here. Its not a loneliness because of lack of people. I am always surrounded by people. Its different. It’s a loneliness in culture, in mindset, in life. Their lives are here. What they know and have always known is here. Mine isn’t and that will always separate us somewhat. Well, after another very immature and self-centered day, I prayed a lot, slept well and started new on Tuesday. God has given me a great peace and contentment the last two days. I thank Him so much for that. But I know now that even when I am having those times where I am all alone all I want in the whole wide world is just to go home, God is with me in everything, He has blessed me so much, and I can give thanks in those times because I know through them I will fall more and more in love with my God and Savoir, my Father and Friend, my Comforter and Strength, Jesus Christ.
Last week, I skipped both Monday and Friday school. I slept in a little more and then hung out/cooked/cleaned/ran errands with Iza. It really was great. I love Iza so much. She has this simplicity about her. She is crazy and fun like my friends back home. And she loves to just listen to me talk about CO and show her photos. So I love skipping school and just hanging with her. I love my friends at school, but honestly, school is so boring! Sometimes we have something exciting going on, but for the most part, school for me consists of sitting and sitting and sitting. I don’t have books, I don’t take tests, I don’t do anything there. Not that exciting… Tomorrow I am also going to skip school, but that is because I am going to a Portuguese class in the morning at 8:30 and believe it or not, I cannot be in two places at once. So, tomorrow, I am free!
Well I’ve had my days recently that were just really crappy. Such as the night of Tuesday the 16th. I tried to make peanut butter cookies again, and they just turned out horrible. That set me off, and then I went into a ragging hormonal frenzy of feeling fat and that I was a worthless cook and that it was all because of Brasil and I needed to just go back home. It was irrational, and frankly, very childish. The next morning was the same, but then in the afternoon I felt a lot better. The week of the 15th was for sure up and down.
That is only the beginning of this roller coaster learning process. Saturday night the 20th untill Tuesday the 23rd was a non-stop test and growth period. 9:30 p.m. Iza arrived at home and we set off together to spend the night at her cousin’s house on the other side of the city. We caught a buss, listened to music and talked about cell phones and other random things until we arrived there 45 minutes later. João, one of Iza’s friends met us there to walk with us to the house. It was pretty close, about one km away. When we arrived I saw the reality of many many many Brazilians. We entered a rusty door plastered against the cement wall, walked up the cement stairs and set our things down in a house that was literally the size of my bed room in my house back in CO. The white walls of the house had cracks and I could see some mold there. There was one queen sized bed (that me and Iza and her two friends slept on) and a small crib for the young son (three people lived in this tinny place!). The kitchen consisted of a tinny TV and boom box, a table the size of my dresser, food cabinets the size my bathroom cabinets back home, a faucet made of BPC pipe that sprayed water everywhere when turned on, and a gas stove. The bathroom was separate and shared with the other “apartments” that were there. It was small and had a toilet in the back and a shower head with the heater inside of it on the ceiling above the middle of the bathroom. There was no separate place to take a shower. It was like a shower with toilet inside; everything got drenched. Furthermore, the stench was horrible and the floor was dirty and slimy. The door was a bunch of planks of wood nailed together. It was hard and very sobering to see how people live with so little, and realize how many people live with even less. But that night was one of the best. I learned how to dance a Brazilian dance and laughed until I cried. They were simple people, living with almost nothing material, but they had a lot of love and laughter. Its something I cannot really describe. Its one of those things you just have to experience. I knew about people who lived like that. But it never registered until I spent one night living their lives. I realize how much I take the things I have for granted. God has blessed me with so much! SO MUCH! I cannot even comprehend it and I am overcome with joy with the thought of it.
Well, when we came back home Sunday afternoon I went to church again with my friends. It was interesting. I had a strange feeling about what was going on. There was some “spiritual” music playing and then people just randomly dancing. The dancing didn’t have any meaning, it was just something to look at while listening. And quite honestly, it wasn’t that great either. But the thing that really disturbed me was how loudly the crowed cheered and clapped after each song. I got the sense of this fake praise. It wasn’t a praise for God, it was a praise for the mediocre (at best) dancers. First of all, they were praising the creation, and praising its non-excellence. Two strikes. During that time I became desperately lonely and homesick. I especially missed my church back home. Everything here is so uncertain, it gets a little old after a while. I just wanted something that I knew was right, I knew was sound and good and I could trust. I consciously thought these exact words, “I don’t belong here, I am not suppose to be here.” As I came home very depressed, I decided to check my email one more time before I went to bed. I saw an email from one of my best friends. It was a short note sharing some thoughts on how he thought God was trying to teach me. He shared a Bible verse with me and then said these exact words, “don’t get discouraged, you are right where you are suppose to be. So live life, and live it abundantly! There is nothing that you can not do or overcome!”. It was totally a God thing, cuz that was the one thing I needed to hear at the point in time. I realized how the Devil had gotten a hold in my heart through my homesickness. But I know that God wants me to be here. I know that I am living in His will and I will not believe the lies of the Devil. Well the next day was still hard. I was again desperately homesick all day. After my friend (the Christian one I go to church with) said some things about CO I just got flat out mad and played the victim. I then partly jokingly (but mostyl seriously) fought with her. I said how I hated how they made fun of CO and didn’t appreciate where I came from, how I hated it when she assumed things about my friends and how she doesn’t know them etc. We were yelling at each other in the middle of class and most everyone was looking at us. After my childish outburst, I just covered my heard with my jacket and sat there. A little while later I pulled my chair up to hers and we actually talked about it. As best as we could at least, with my still not great Portuguese. I explained how lonely I felt and I didn’t appreciate some of the things they had done. And how the Devil had been pulling me down. She reminded me that the Devil has no power over my life, and that I am never alone because God is always with me. She said I should never feel alone again because she was always there for me. I appreciate her so much, even though I have been hurt by her the most. However, she can never understand the kind of loneliness that I experience here. Its not a loneliness because of lack of people. I am always surrounded by people. Its different. It’s a loneliness in culture, in mindset, in life. Their lives are here. What they know and have always known is here. Mine isn’t and that will always separate us somewhat. Well, after another very immature and self-centered day, I prayed a lot, slept well and started new on Tuesday. God has given me a great peace and contentment the last two days. I thank Him so much for that. But I know now that even when I am having those times where I am all alone all I want in the whole wide world is just to go home, God is with me in everything, He has blessed me so much, and I can give thanks in those times because I know through them I will fall more and more in love with my God and Savoir, my Father and Friend, my Comforter and Strength, Jesus Christ.
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